“Adoption isn’t a birth mother’s rejection but an unconditional love that inspires her to put herself last and do all she can for her baby-” Mary Hines, Birth Mother.
Adopting a newborn is a deeply meaningful experience, often accompanied by a mixture of joy, excitement, and some anxiety. As new parents, you might wonder how to establish a strong emotional connection with your adopted baby. Unlike biological bonding, which can happen naturally during pregnancy, bonding with an adopted newborn requires a slightly different approach due to the unique circumstances of the adoption. However, with patience, consistency, and love, it’s entirely possible to build a profound and lasting bond that will provide your baby with the security they need to thrive.
Why Bond From the Outset?
Bonding is the foundation of your baby’s emotional and psychological development. According to Dr. Dan Siegel, an expert in child development, secure attachment helps babies form trust, resilience, and healthy social relationships later in life (Siegel, 2012). When your baby feels secure, they are more likely to explore their environment, develop self-confidence, and form stable connections with others.
Whether biological or adopted, a newborn’s need for affection, touch, and consistency is universal. This understanding forms the basis of creating a safe and loving environment where your baby feels nurtured and protected.
Establish Skin-to-Skin Contact
Did you know you can practice skin-to-skin with your newborn and yes, it’s one of the most effective ways to bond with your adopted newborn. Research has shown that skin-to-skin contact, often referred to as kangaroo care, releases oxytocin, the hormone responsible for feelings of love and bonding (Feldman et al., 2010). Holding your baby against your chest, where they can feel your heartbeat, provides a sense of security and comfort.
A ‘Secure’ Routine
Establishing a consistent daily routine helps your baby feel safe. Routines, such as feeding, bath time, and bedtime rituals, signal to your baby that they are in a stable and predictable environment. This consistency is particularly important for adopted newborns, as it helps them adjust to their new surroundings and caregivers. Reading aloud to your baby, singing lullabies, or simply talking to them in a soothing voice can also enhance bonding. The sound of your voice will soon become familiar, offering comfort and reassurance.
The Eyes of the Beholder for Responsive Interactions
Newborns are highly responsive to eye contact. Making gentle eye contact during feeding or while playing can create an emotional connection with your baby. When your baby coos or makes other sounds, respond with smiles and verbal encouragement. This kind of responsive interaction teaches your baby that their needs and expressions are acknowledged and valued (Ainsworth & Bowlby, 1991).
Wear Your Baby
It’s the ultimate fashion statement! Babywearing, using a sling or baby carrier, is another excellent way to bond with your adopted newborn. Ok, maybe not a fashion statement, but indeed a love and needed statement. By keeping your baby close to you throughout the day, you can create a sense of physical closeness and emotional security. According to studies, frequently carried babies tend to cry less and sleep better, as they feel more secure (Hunziker & Barr, 1986).
This also allows you to be more attuned to your baby’s needs, making it easier to respond to their hunger cues, discomfort, or desire for comfort.
Be Patient and Be Kind To Yourself
Bonding with an adopted newborn may not always happen instantly, and that’s okay. Every baby is unique, and it may take some time for both of you to adjust to the new relationship. It’s important to be patient with yourself and your baby as you both navigate this journey. Remember, taking care of your mental and emotional well-being is also crucial. Adoption is a beautiful yet emotionally complex experience, and being in a positive state of mind can help you be more present and attuned to your baby’s needs.
Taking care of your mental and emotional well-being is also crucial. Adoption is a beautiful yet emotionally complex experience, and being in a positive state of mind can help you be more present and attuned to your baby’s needs.
References
- Siegel, D. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. New York: Guilford Press.
- Feldman, R., Weller, A., Sirota, L., & Eidelman, A. I. (2010). Skin-to-skin contact (kangaroo care) promotes self-regulation in preterm infants. Developmental Psychology, 46(5), 960-972.
- Ainsworth, M. D. S., & Bowlby, J. (1991). An Ethological Approach to Personality Development. American Psychologist, 46(4), 333-341.
- Hunziker, U. A., & Barr, R. G. (1986). Increased carrying reduces infant crying: A randomized controlled trial. Pediatrics, 77(5), 641-648.
