Can you imagine going in for your 34-week prenatal checkup at 15:00, only to be told that your baby -who has only just developed their lungs – will be coming out of the safety of your womb at 18:00? Well, this is what happened to me and my beautiful baby girl.
In the hour of what was supposed to be a routine checkup confirming a healthy growing baby, I was pushed into a state of panic, when I was told that I would have to deliver my baby now. My baby girl arrived on the 29 March via an emergency C-section due to my placenta calcifying too early. She weighed a mere 1.8kg at the time of her birth and there was only time to touch her cheek before she was rushed off to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).
What was supposed to have been the most joyous moment for me was taken over by fear and uncertainty. Even though I was truly grateful for the care that was being given to my baby, my recollection of these early days always gives me a horrible feeling in the pit of my tummy. Those initial moments of bonding and cuddles that I have seen my whole life and that I longed for throughout my pregnancy was stolen from me. No one could have prepared me for this!
There were no snuggles with my baby or even pressure to feed her for the first 12 days. I still remember the lonely midnight walks to the NICU and only being able to gaze at my baby girl hooked up to tubes. Finally, I went home, but even then it took me about 3 months to actually bond with her as I was still so cautious and weary with this tiny little miracle who was solely now in my care developing on the outside. All that went through my head those first few days was that, ‘I’d better not let anything happen to her’.
Nothing and no one can describe this feeling unless you experience it for yourself. However, I sincerely hope that never have to. If you do and if you are currently going through it, just know that the bond WILL come, the days WILLget easier and my word, you WILL cherish every hug from now until forever.
It has been 2.5 years since that day and the bond with my preemie, Miya has never been stronger. She has become the SHE-RO in my life. She gives me strength and inspires me to be the best version of myself on a daily basis.
About the Author:
Keshia Mudaly is a mommy blogger and mom to two-and-a-half-year-old, Miya. You can follow her parenting journey with her daughter and her two dogs on:
Facebook: Moms 2 rebels